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Parents Reveal The Funniest Names Their Kids Give Everyday Things

[Oct. 13, 2020: Caroline Bologna]

Kids are generally still learning the English language, so they’re bound to make a few mistakes. But some of those malapropisms and alternate descriptors are actually quite hilarious or even better than the correct terms.

We asked members of the HuffPost Parents Facebook community to share the funny names their kids have for various things and received an overwhelming number of responses. Read on for a delightful sample.

1. “My son calls grated parmesan cheese ‘spaghetti sprinkles’ and now our whole family calls it that. It makes spaghetti sound so much more fun and festive!” ― Jess Marshall

2. “My 5-year-old calls aprons ‘baking capes.’” ― Katherine Quinn

3. “My 6-year-old claims her 8-year-old brother gives her ‘migrating headaches.’” ― Shae George

4. “When my son was maybe 7 or 8, he asked me, ‘Why do I always see signs that say ‘penny saliva’ everywhere?’ I had no idea what he was talking about until he pointed one out to me. We live in Pennsylvania.” ― Erica Graham

5. “Detergent is ‘laundry sauce.’” ― Tara Borisow

6. “My 3.5-year-old started calling watches ‘time bracelets.’ And she’s really onto something.” ― Claire Plank Gahler

7. “My kids called the washing machine the ‘wetter’ ― as in the opposite of the dryer.” ― Emily Brooke Sharp


8. “My daughter loved salad when she was little. Every time we went to a restaurant she’d order ‘leaves and dip.’” ― Melody Estes

9. “I still call Chick-fil-A ‘Chick-Olé’ because a grandson used to call it that.” ― Kathy Kinnick

10. “My daughter called the Statue of Liberty the ‘Queen of Starbucks.’ (We are Canadian.)” ― Michelle Antoniak

11. “My son asked if people ‘kiss under the cameltoe’? Even typing this, I burst out laughing.” ― Leah Redekopp

12. “My 4-year-old calls her bikini her ‘zucchini.’” ― Katie Zeidman

13. “Both my children were in tears upon discovering Grand Rapids, Michigan, was NOT full of enormous bunnies ― ‘Grand RABBITS’ was how they had been pronouncing it.” ― Elspeth Bretton

14. “My oldest daughter used to call the FedEx truck the ‘fatass truck.’ Now we always joke about it whenever we see the FedEx truck stop by.” ― Adriana Dolden

15. “We are a hockey family. My son and daughter used to call the national anthem the ‘Hockey Song.’” ― Sonja Brown

16. “My daughter said ‘arts and craps’ instead of ‘arts and crafts.’” ― Darlene London Johnson

17. “My daughter used to call school buses ‘bumblebee trucks.’” ― Rachel Cresci

18. “My son calls a plunger a ‘dookie puncher’ and a popsicle an ‘ice pickle.’” ― Jenna Perry Kuhls

19. “My kids call Toys R Us ‘Toys For Us.’ They legit think it’s called that and don’t accept my corrections on the matter.” ― Jennifer McKay

20. “My 4-year-old calls his penis his ‘peach,’ and I haven’t corrected him because it sounds so much cuter.” ― Mary Shearn

21. “‘Underground town’ is what my daughter called cemeteries, and ‘fooders’ were waitresses.” ― Elissa Carey

22. “My 4-year-old calls spaghetti ‘sir daddy.’ ― Sara G. Nolte

23. “My son called the Statue of Liberty the ‘statue delivery.’ I asked why, he said, ‘She delivers things.’” ― Jennifer Wilcox

24. “My niece was about 3 when I got married to my husband Josh. She couldn’t say Josh, so it sounded more like ‘Uncle Sauce.’” ― Kara Hasting Lucas

25. “My 4-year-old thinks Netflix is ‘Necklace’ and Prime is ‘Crime.’” ― Kirsten Probst

26. “We took the kids stargazing a few weeks ago and my 7-year-old was so excited to try the ‘skelotope’ (telescope).” ― Melissa Pike VanVooren

27. “My daughter calls Jeep Wranglers ‘beach trucks.’” ― Amanda Putzier

28. “I was raised Irish-Catholic, and sometimes in place of a swear word I yell ‘Jesus, Mary and Joseph!’ Our then 3-year-old used to mimic me. One time in the grocery store, a woman bumped our cart and he yells, ‘Cheez-Its, Mary and Joseph!’” ― Christine M. Sullivan

29. “One of my boys called the cup holder on the car door a ‘door bowl,’ and it will forever be known as such!” ― Tanya Singh

30. “My 4-year-old says ‘Boom goes the dominoes!’ instead of ‘Boom goes the dynamite.’ I think we should change the phrase to her version because it’s better.” ― Angie Utschig Dillman

31. “My almost 8-year-old called his suitcase (that we haven’t used in forever) a ‘soupcase.’ I had to convince him that it’s suitcase.” ― Jen Gottsch

32. “When learning about the U.S. government in elementary school, my two oldest boys insisted that the people who worked with the president were referred to as his ‘drawers,’ instead of his cabinet.” ― Linda Marshall

33. “Every store is Target but defined by its color. ‘Red Target’ = Target, ‘Orange Target’ = Home Depot, ‘Gray Target’ = Costco.” ― VRose Sharp

34. “Our 6-year-old thinks we keep our food in the ‘pine tree’ (pantry), not to be confused with the huge evergreen right outside our kitchen door.” ― Julie Cantrell

35. “My son just said my dad’s dog is ‘non-apologetic.’ He meant hypoallergenic.” ― Lisa Duffield

This Brighter Side of News post courtesy of Huff Post.


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