The Brighter 5: Five funny comedians start your day with a laugh

[July 26, 2021: Josh Shavit]



Here are today's five funny and insightful quotes to get you into your happy place. Enjoy!




1. Greg Giraldo on homelessness

"This homeless guy asked me for money the other day. I was about to give it to him and then I thought he was going to use it on drugs or alcohol. And then I thought, that's what I'm going to use it on. Why am I judging this poor bastard?"



2. Bill Burr on Red Necks

"Rednecks are like America's pit bulls. They should just sedate those people, drop 'em off in Afghanistan, just let them run wild. Just be like, 'Dude, just go do everything you ever dreamed of doing. Just go crazy. Have one of your friends play the banjo... it'll scare the hell out of them.'"



3. Billy Crystal on life

"Did you ever reach a point in your life, where you say to yourself, 'This is the best I'm ever going to look, the best I'm ever going to feel, the best I'm ever going to do,' and it ain't that great?"



4. Christopher Titus on death

"Hey! D'you guys hear Dr. Atkins died? Slipped on some ice, hit his head, died on life support. The man who invented the all-meat diet... died a vegetable."



5. Dana Gould on exercise

"My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights."



Bonus Joke: Frank Caliendo

"Speaking of Quarterback nicknames, you hear they’re calling Jay Cutler 50 cent? Because you only get two quarters out of him."



Today's Daily Sunshine Video

Very funny John Belushi skit in celebration of the Tokyo Olympics




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Tags: #Good_News, #Celebrity_Good_News, #Jokes, #Daily_Top_5, #The_Brighter_Side_of_News


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