The Brighter 5: Five funny comedians start your day with a laugh

[July 26, 2021: Josh Shavit]

Here are today's five funny and insightful quotes to get you into your happy place. Enjoy!

Cleaned version: "Bear and a rabbit were taking a "crap" in the woods. And the bear turns to the rabbit and says, "Excuse me, do you have problems with "crap" sticking to your fur?" And the rabbit says, "No." So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit."

"I love that red wine is good for you. Isn't that cool? I want to hear more of this. I want to hear more things in life like, "Red wine, in conjunction with a lap dance, while watching NFL football, is the best cardiovascular workout you can have.""

"I’d much rather have AIDS than a baby… They’re not that different, you guys… They’re both expensive. You have them for the rest of your life. They’re constant reminders of the mistakes you’ve made. And once you have them, you pretty much can only date other people who have them. What’s the difference?"

"The genius' behind the new Rocky movie decided to call it Rocky Balboa so that we'll probably forget that it's number six. Or Rocky Balboa can't count past five."

"You women look at men’s bodies like they’re meat? Ever do that when you’re alone with your girlfriends. “Look at that baby - that’s USDA Choice Prime Cut. Mmm mmm mmm.” My body’s the part they make hot dogs out of."

"I got kids - got three kids: two of them mine, one of them don't look like me. I was gonna get a blood test, but that costs $2500. I said I'll wait 'til he falls down and cuts himself."

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