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The Brighter 5: Five funny jokes to start your day with a laugh

[July 17, 2021: Josh Shavit]




Here are today's five funny and insightful musings to get you into your happy place.




1. George Burns




"First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down."








2. Rodney Dangerfield


"When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, 'We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again'."





3. Benny Hill



"Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect."






4. Bob Hope



"I set out to play golf with the intention of shooting my age, but I shot my weight instead!"






5. Red Skelton



"My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, 'In the lake'."








Bonus Joke: Red Buttons


"Sure, I've gotten old. I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees... I've fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, and take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. I have bouts with dementia, poor circulation, hardly feel my hands or feet anymore, can't remember if I'm 85 or 92, but... thank God, I still have my Florida driver’s license!"







For more good news stories check out our Good News section at The Brighter Side of News.



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